Of Red Lights and Their Flowers
by sora1shiro
Summary: In which Naruto is a part-time prostitute and Kakashi doesn't know how to feel about that. WARNING: UNDERAGE MxB, (though it is consensual at least.) DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ; READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
1. A Kakanaru Two-shot pt1

If you had asked Kakashi Hatake what he'd expected when asked to take on a genin team, (for the nth time now,) his answer would be: _certainly not this. _

He'd always been dubious about the logic that went into every iteration of Team 7's formation but he had hoped against hope that those "wise" elders would've caught on to how _bad _of an idea it was to keep trying at something destined to end in disaster. (Clearly, wisdom did _not _come with age, but this was why he stayed clear of politics.)

The dark-haired one was even more toxic than he'd been at that age, the pink-haired one so embroiled in her obsession she couldn't even _hope _to be the mediator this team needed. And the blond, _his sensei's son, _was unnaturally cheerful. He knew that the Uzumaki temperament and vitality afforded some more leeway on the ADHD-spectrum, but he was even worse than Kushina or Obito had been _combined!_

He felt his eyebrow's need to twitch and forced the urge down to keep his appearance of cool nonchalance. He'd already resolved to fail this team, counsel's wishes be damned. (Their precious Uchiha would be near-useless if he was dead, after all.)

"_Ah! _No fair, bastard!" The three of them tumbled out of the entrance to the roof from the stairway, already at each other's throats.

"Don't call Sasuke a bastard, idiot!"

"But Sakura! I only call it as I see it, 'tebayo!"

"HOW _DARE _YOU! SHANNARO!"

"OW!"

"Hn." (Between their bickering, Kakashi was sure that was a cover-up for a laugh.) He sighed. Time to break it up.

"Alright!" He said to get their attention. At least they'd made the time requirement he set for them, (even if just barely.) "Let's introduce ourselves now."

"Ah? But what should we say, sensei?" Was this really the academy's standard for top kunoichi? She'd be dead weight if these were war times.

"Yeah, yeah! Show us how it's done, sensei!" He wasn't sure, but Kakashi thought he saw a flash of mischief in the blond's eyes. Perhaps he was thinking of a prank for his presumed-sensei's tardiness? Best to nip those fond feelings of him in the bud before they have the chance to grow unnecessarily.

"Well, alright," he said, feeling distinctly that this might've been what an elementary class would've looked like on the first day of school, (though he wouldn't know.) "My name's Kakashi Hatake. I don't think you're quite ready to know of my likes and I don't have many dislikes... My hobbies? I might have some. And I don't know if I have any goals."

Wow, that got uncharacteristically depressing at the end. Luckily the kids were too young and self-centered to question such things too deeply.

"What was that?! You didn't say anything but your name!"

"Well, that's all you need to know. Strong and silent, _yes, _you, go." The young Uchiha sniffed in what he probably thought to be a haughty or dismissive way. (He personally thought it sounded like Pakkun's sniffles in his sleep, but quickly pushed that out of his mind.)

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I have more dislikes than likes, and my hobby is training. For goals? My single ambition is to kill the man who murdered my clan." Ah, an avenger with both mommy _and _daddy issues. Wonderful.

"Alright. Sakuramochi; you're next."

Her cheeks puffed up in afront but she held her tongue. (At least _someone _knows respect for their superiors.)

"I'm Sakura Haruno! My likes are, well, I-I like -," she seemed to depart into a fantasy of her own for a moment, then abruptly snapped out of it. "And, uh, I don't like bullies. Or Ino. Or _Naruto,_" she said, pointedly glaring at her less-favored teammate.

Kakashi was getting less and less impressed with this team assignment as the minutes ticked by. He had to wonder if he was ever _this_ insufferable as a child. (Then he realized his own personality quirks and sent a silent apology to Minato.)

"-n't really have any hobbies, but I aspire to be as good a kunoichi as Tsunade! And also start a family..." she trailed off, blushing furiously and quite obviously avoided looking at her crush.

So... an emo and his fangirl. At least there's variety. But now he was apprehensive about what type of person his sensei's son was growing up to be.

"Thank you. Last one up, you, blondie. Go."

"My name's Naruto Uzumaki, dattebayo! I like Sakura and ramen, and I hate not knowing things! My hobby is _trying new things, _and thinking of new things to do." He wondered what that slight pause meant, and the implications of the boy's gaze boring into him by the end of his introduction.

"Yeah, but what's your goal?"

"I'm gonna be _Hokage, _dattebayo!"

"... yeah right." Oh, so the brooding one speaks! How marvelous.

"What'd ya say, you bastard?!"

"Alright, that's all!" Kakashi said, finally closing the little orange book he'd been reading the entire time. He stood up and made his way towards the guard railing of the academy's roof, his visible eye in that gleefully sadistic smile he'd grown known for in the general forces more recently. "I want all of you to meet me at Training-Ground 7 at 6 a.m. sharp tomorrow morning!" He wanted so badly to giggle madly at their terrified expressions, but he had to continue the act of sympathy for the moment.

"Oh, and I wouldn't recommend you eat breakfast beforehand unless you want to puke."

With his part said and done, he shunshinned away in a cloud of chakra-generated smoke and a few leaves heralding his departure.

_'Well, that was fun.'_

* * *

He was actually feeling pretty proud of himself today. He'd managed to be both late _and _early.

The kids couldn't see him, (though he commended them for their timely awakening,) and his internal clock said it was currently 9:47 and 23 seconds. Now, he'd _planned _to arrive at 10, but he thought that might've been a little much, even for him.

So, he came exactly 15 minutes earlier than that and hid in a tree with the excuse of observing their team dynamic, (though he was quite sure he knew everything he'd need to know from their 10-minute introduction yesterday.)

Currently, he saw Naruto fidgeting with either his pants or the grass, and Sakura looked about ready to punch someone; (Naruto, if we're being realistic here.) And Sasuke was almost completely apart from them, inclined against the root of a tree and trying his best to ignore the two of them, (rather, _Sakura._) That, or he was wondering which flavor of pocky was his most _favoritest _brother's favorite so he could gift it to him at Itachi's future memorial.

Too far? Yeah, probably.

"STOP _MOVING! _We've been here for _hours _and literally everything you do is annoying!"

"I'm not even doing anything, dattebayo! Look; I haven't asked you on a date in an hour and 12 minutes, I wasn't making any noise before now, I'm not even _near _you!"

"SHUT. UP! _SHANNARO!"_

"Waaah!" He should probably step in now.

As getting out of the tree like a normal person might've tipped them off to the fact he'd been there for 15 minutes or more, he went the "long" route. That is, he shunshinned in between the three of them and waited for the scolding he was sure to get from a couple of 13-year-olds. How cute.

It was Sakura to say the first thing, fist frozen in preparation to punch Naruto and her other hand fisting the boy's shirt. Naruto had his eyes closed in preparation for the familiar punch and his hands up in an attempt to shield his face. "Kakashi-sensei!" She released Naruto's shirt abruptly, making Naruto tumble backward while she tried to look as innocent as possible.

"What's the big deal?!"

"YOU'RE _LATE!"_ Sasuke himself had started pulling himself up from his dozing position, glaring at him while probably thinking the exact same as the other two, though he stayed behind them and kept quiet.

"Mah, I didn't notice. See, there was this rabid weasel let loose in my favorite coffee shop, so _of course_ I had to provide some assistance like the good samaritan I am." He gave them the same eye-smile that he knew pissed everyone off, and almost laughed out loud. The funniest part was that it _actually happened._

"Ugh, you're lying! You can't really think that we'd _believe _that crackpot story of yours?!" Most wouldn't, but that's because they didn't live as exciting lives as he did. This was _Konoha, _a ninja village full of weird and unusual things. Of course you should expect the unexpected!

"Well, that doesn't matter," he said, glossing over the fact that that one altercation didn't excuse the full _four hours _that he'd been MIA. He pulled out the pair of silver bells he'd stashed in one of the many pockets on his person. "Because I have a test for you three. The goal is to get these two bells from me using any means possible. You have a time limit of 1 hour and 54 minutes as of now."

"But, but sensei! There're only two bells when there's three of us!"

"Sakura, you now have 1 hour and _53 _minutes. Now, show me what you got and come at me with the aim to kill." Sakura paled and took the hint, sprinting out of the clearing in the direction the Uchiha had gone. As expected, Naruto stood his ground and got in a low ready stance.

"I'm gonna get those bells, easy!" He darted forward, in a direct line that looked slow to Kakashi's trained eye. The jounin simply pulled out his Icha Icha and started skimming the raunchy erotica, taking the light blow to his shoulder. He dropped in a quick squat to avoid the boys kick, and Naruto followed up with a left hook aimed for his head. He stopped mid-punch because Kakashi had used substitution to get behind the boy before he'd realized what'd happened.

"A ninja should know better than to let their enemy get behind them." Still in a low squat, he had his hands clasped together in what one would easily mistake as a tiger sign, body already in action for the gag-technique a heavily drunken Gai had once thought up.

_"One Thousand Years of Pain!" _It seemed to happen in slow motion. His fingers went up as planned but then hit an unexpected blockage, pushing whatever it was further up the boy's ass. And rather than the scream of humiliation and pain he had anticipated, (maybe even anticipated,) the blond tensed and let loose a high-pitched _moan. _

Like lightning, Kakashi flew to the other side of the clearing in something like horror. The space where he had been was now occupied by a mess of flushed and sweaty teenager.

The man's blood rushed and he was sure his cheeks were tinted pink beneath his mask. Before his mind could catch up with his body, _he ran like a bat from hell. _

He wasn't sure what happened, (mostly a lie,) but he chose to shift his focus to the other participants of this game instead of thinking back to "the incident." Finding Sakura was no problem at all, (which was a bit worrying for someone aspiring to be a ninja,) and he snuck up behind her while her fear-enhanced senses distracted her with the sound of the rustling of a small animal.

He didn't even need Obito's Sharingan for this. Forming the short sequence of hand signs, he wordlessly cast one of the lowest-level genjutsus in his repertoire. He doubted it would do much damage, so he headed off to find the sharpest, (and most problematic,) of the bunch.

It was a testament to the boy's maturity that he already tried to act as he thought a shinobi should. Perhaps it was that Uchiha ambition + trauma?

He could faintly see the boy's chakra signature up ahead, using the trees as cover. When Kakashi arrived at the small clearing before that one tree he was sure Sasuke was hiding in, the brunet dropped to confront the jounin. He figured he might try to have a bit of fun poking at the boy's superiority and inferiority complexes if he could. (He briefly thought that this was probably one of the reasons he didn't have many friends.)

"Ah, I don't think we've talked much, Sasuke. Hate to think that we're not bonding as we should be."

"Hn. All that matters is that you'll teach me to get stronger." Ouch, tough blow.

"Mah, what's the fun in that? Of course, you'd have to get one of these bells to even be my student first, _Sasuke-kun_." Kakashi turned to lean against the tree closest to him to display the pair of bells, eyes still glued to his book.

"Naruto and Sakura may have failed, but I won't. I'm better than them." His tone implied that he thought it to be more fact than arrogance, sadly something that his position spoke for itself.

Before he could psychoanalyze him more deeply, Sasuke sprung into action by throwing a kunai at a length of taught rope he hadn't quite noticed before. (Was he letting himself go?) A barrage of shuriken and kunai rushed from the foliage, concentrated towards his torso. A large sidestep was the easiest and most energy-efficient way of avoidance.

In his brief lapse of attention, Sasuke took his chance to aim a high kick at his face. When that was neutralized, a punch came next, twisting his body awkwardly to contort in what looked to be a normally painful position.

That too was taken care of with Kakashi's other hand, which left him completely unprepared for the next kick that swung his weight downwards.

The jounin ducked as best he could while still maintaining a firm grip on the genin-hopeful, hoping to avoid dropping the heir on his head. Because of this, he very nearly didn't notice how Sasuke continued with his momentum to reach for the bells attached to his side-pouch.

Vaulting himself backward, Kakashi relinquished his hold on the teen in favor of gaining more distance and maneuverability.

At opposite ends once more, the brunet went through a series of hand-signs for the Uchiha's signature jutsu, (and with far more theatrics than strictly necessary.) Kakashi knew what was coming, familiar even without the Sharingan's help. Thus, it was light work to perform a quick Headhunter Technique before the Great Fireball Technique sputtered out of the young Uchiha's mouth.

While he felt the fire technique melt a crater into the surface, the jounin quickly "dug" through what would normally be exceedingly compact soil until he was positioned _just_ below Sasuke's feet. He felt the boy shuffle a bit, probably surprised at the lack of a charred corpse. _Showtime._

His hands burst out of the ground to grasp at the other's ankles, swiftly dragging him into the ground until he was sure only his head remained above the surface. Not a second later, Kakashi himself rose from the ground to squat low in front of the boy.

"Right under your feet," he said, eye smile making his taunt more obvious. "Better luck next time, _Sasuke-kun~._"

Sasuke held his tongue, a dark glare speaking for him.

Kakashi decided he'd see if Naruto was still down for the count, (though he wasn't sure that he _wanted _a Round 2 after "the incident.") Still, he took a chance and walked towards the clearing on the off-chance the test was still in effect.

When he got to the clearing, he stopped short to see that the blond was nowhere to be seen. Not completely surprising, but definitely something that put him on guard. His pulse sped up slightly in preparation for the prank or poorly-planned assault he was sure to be imminent, but found there to be... nothing. Or, maybe something, because he might have heard something from a little beyond the trees.

_"Hm~! Harder, Takashiii~!" _He froze. He might not have had many sexual encounters in his lifetime, but he'd read enough to know _exactly _what was happening here.

"Ah! God, I love- _do that again! Ahn! Takashiii~!" _He was sure he heard some strained grunts under the loud overtone of the woman's moans, the wet slaps seeming loud in his ears. He was still rooted to his spot, though he'd unconsciously started channeling a small bit of chakra to his ears.

"Saki! Mh, _fuck_-"

"I-I'm! _Coming~~! Hn~!" _Oh got, Takashi's hips were speeding up. Wait- Takashi? As in, the main character of Icha Icha Paradise?! A low groan and pants filled the air as he felt the slow trickle of warmth below his mask. And just as the two lovers started engaging in the dialogue he remembered from page 148, he was brought from his reverie by the tinkle of silver, the two long-forgotten bells snatched from his side from a tan hand belonging to someone he desperately hoped hadn't heard the display, (nor seen his teacher quite _that _disgraceful.)

Blue eyes shimmered with mirth and crinkled at the edges with the wide foxy grin that stretched his face.

"Would ya look at that, sensei. Looks like I got _both _the bells!"

* * *

Kakashi was not happy with how things had gone. Sakura was just as mediocre as he had expected, Sasuke was just as skilled as he'd expected, and Naruto? _A fucking wildcard if he'd ever seen one._

As it was, Sakura was currently the one tied to the post erected in the middle of the training ground. He would've put Naruto there out of _sheer spite _had he not been the only one to get the bells. He could say that meant the team passed, but that would mean they wouldn't actually get the point of the exercise. No teamwork means D-ranks for life or death. And neither was an option.

"Well, here we all are. I know I said it would be time for lunch now, but I have one thing to ask the three of you: why were there two bells?" Sakura had brought this up at the very beginning but hadn't thought to come to a conclusion herself. Perhaps now they would understand?

"Isn't that what Sakura asked before? How are we supposed to know if you don't tell us the answer?!"

"Oh, I don't know, _think?" _Mean? Yes. But much needed if they were to live past being genin. Sasuke didn't seem keen on offering an answer and settled for alternating glares between Naruto and Kakashi.

If Sakura had her hands free, he was sure that she'd be doing the typical thinking pose. Then her eyes lit up in what seemed to be an a-ha moment.

"There's only two... because there's three of us!" Ah yes, the brainiac of the bunch. Truly insightful. "I mean, the quantity itself isn't significant besides it being lower than the members of the team, meaning this was calculated with a specific objective in mind." She was getting excited now, sensing the solution to her given problem to be near, words slurring slightly as her thoughts sped up.

"Given that the set-up is high-stakes and all-or-nothing, that means you wanted to pit us against each other. And because you're bringing this up despite Naruto having gotten both of them, that means the bells aren't what this test is about. So _really, _the test was about teamwork!"

Both of her teammates were staring at her, probably having barely kept up with her metaphorical word vomit. And Kakashi? He was just glad that she finally proved to have a purpose beyond being the squad's biased cheerleader.

"M-Mah, that's good. After you'd asked about it, I wasn't so sure you'd get to the answer right away." She deflated a bit at the blunted barb and blushed brightly under their continued scrutiny. The boys were still lagging in their comprehension, their logic most likely having gone severely disused since they'd prioritized physical rather than mental conditioning.

"Well, then this will be a piece of cake! As a team-building exercise, I will allow Sakura to eat her lunch. However, she must remain tied to the post, and any outside assistance must not use your hands." He was feeling a bit lenient, today. On his off-game, ya know? (He vaguely remembered the loud rumblings and complaints of Obito when he was in her position, forbidden from eating _at all, _and felt he was being kind.) Sakura, of course, puffed up with indignation at what this clearly implied, then strangely blushed so intensely she fainted before voicing her complaints.

Naruto just gave him a shit-eating grin and a thumbs up. Kakashi simply accepted it as it was and shunshinned to a nearby tree's branches to each his lunch in peace, and also monitor his now-official team.

He decided not to focus too much on what they were saying, as the boys were eating in near-silence and Sakura was still out of commission for the moment. There really wasn't much of that rivalry one would expect between the two, which he was sure would make their team-dynamic worse than it already was.

Sasuke turned his whole body away from the other two, and Naruto was laying on his side, trying to keep the incoming food level as he struggled against the challenges of lopsided vision.

And Sakura finally came-to after around 4 and a half minutes of this awkward torture, (awkward even for him!) Her head lolled and her eyes fluttered open, then widened fully at the aggressively loud growl of her stomach. A flush followed after, as most are wont to do with any bodily function when in public or with company.

"Ah-ha, I guess you'd _really_ like that lunch right about now, right Sakura-chan?"

"Uh, I'm good. Thanks though, Naruto...," she said lamely, avoiding his eyes.

"Are ya sure? That was kind of really loud..." The blond looked uncertain, probably familiar with the pangs of hunger.

"Dobe. Shut up."

"Teme! Just because you were the top of the class doesn't mean you can _micromanage_ the team!"

"Is it really too much to ask to eat in quiet?!"

_"YES!" _It didn't look like they would go for actual weapons, but they were certainly willing to use their fists to settle this dispute. Kakashi wondered if maybe he'd actually have to fail them regardless of them knowing the answer, because he knew this wouldn't fly for missions.

Just when he was gearing up to intervene, Sakura's stomach gave another loud rumble, pausing the temperamental boys before it could come to blows.

"Ah, maybe we should do something about that...?"

"_What?! _No!" Sakura screeched, probably hung-up on her unreasonable dislike of Naruto.

"But we didn't eat breakfast! I know that you're always on a diet, but that's not healthy!" Hm. Naruto was kinder than he'd thought. (Kakashi would also have to break Sakura's habit of dieting, because that was _definitely _a hazard to herself and others.)

"But!"

_"No 'buts!' _You're eating whether you like it or not! How else are you gonna kick some major ass?" The blond popped off the lid of the girly bento box that was undoubtedly Sakura's and used her prepacked chopsticks to bring an eggroll to his lips. Then he cautiously brought himself closer to the girl's face, urging her to take it.

Kakashi suddenly felt like a pervert for setting up this scenario and his mind sought to justify it as a teambuilding exercise, to see if Sakura could overcome her personal feelings to do what's best.

_Yeah, right._

Predictably, the girl in question stubbornly turned away from the offering, even with the blue puppy eyes pleading with her to _just take it. _Sasuke looked a bit uncomfortable but was watching their interaction closely.

And then Naruto did the unexpected; he briefly made a hand-sign to focus his chakra and transformed into a perfect imitation of Sasuke with barely a hint of smoke. Needless to say, Sakura was all-too pleased to take her food after that. And Kakashi couldn't be too sure, but it kind of looked like the scene broke the little Uchiha. He'd seemed to have frozen and looked rather like a frightened animal with trace amounts of disgust in his expression.

Kakashi decided this was probably the best time to intervene.

"Congratulations! You all pass!" Naruto was startled back to his original appearance, the bit of food dropping from his mouth while Sakura shrieked.

"What?! But, I thought we already passed!"

"Ah, but only _Naruto _got the bells, see? But! Because you guys at least attempted something resembling teamwork, I'll let it slide. Just know that there's going to be a lot of team-building exercises in your future." He looked at Sasuke pointedly, then looked at Sakura so she knew she wasn't off the hook either.

"I..._guess _that's fair," the kunoichi mumbled, still tied to the wooden post.

"I mean, you could always go back to the academy if you'd really like."

_"No." _This time it was finally the most problematic child who spoke up. Not a surprise, as he was probably already fed-up with the road-blocks to his ambition. (After all, he was sure that Naruto wasn't the only one who'd attempted early graduation.)

"Okie-dokie! Then congrats! You're finally kiddy genin!" They grumbled at his patronizing tone but didn't seem too put-off by him. "Now, as your newly official sensei, here's my first lesson to you: teamwork is _everything. _All that Konoha stands for, all that makes Konoha different from the other hidden-villages is summed up in the word _unity._

"A dead comrade of mine once told me that _'in this world, those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum.' _Remember this or I fear your names will join those on that stone there," he said, pointing to the large stone they hadn't noticed before now. The KIA stone.

The reminder of a shinobi's end was cold and heavy, settling into their throats and stomachs as a part of their childish naiveté was stripped away without their notice.

Kakashi hoped that it might be enough to up their chances of survival in this uncaring world that thrived in death and chaos. He hadn't yet had a team under his care, but he hoped beyond hope that it would end better than his own had.

"Well. That put quite the damper on things, didn't it?" he said in an attempt of levity. "On the bright side, I'm giving you tomorrow off! Use it wisely, because there will be _no stopping _once we begin training. And remember: _you wanted this." _He saw a shiver run down their spines in alarm and had to stifle a giggle. _This was going to be fun!_

* * *

Because Kakashi had a bit of past experience as an ANBU captain/trainer to fall back on, the kids' training schedule for the next month was quickly taken care of. But by the time he had finished his personal daily training regimen, planned the team's entire schedule, "played" with his ninken, performed maintenance on his weaponry, _and_ gone shopping for the week, he still had quite a few hours of daylight to burn.

So, he decided that he would make good on those mental notes he'd made yesterday and pay an in-home visit to his precious genin.

Sakura was easy enough, being in a slightly wealthier district of Konoha and the only one of the bunch with a fully-intact family. (He'd already unconsciously memorized their addresses from their papers, so the fact that she came from a civilian family posed no problem in locating her.)

On his way, he'd noticed more stares than usual, (probably because of his ninja rank and Icha Icha.) Truth be told, it made him a bit self-conscious. He'd never been good with social interactions, something only worsened by his local fanbase and the obligatory respect civilians had to show ninja.

But soon enough, he stopped in at the front door of the Haruno's residence, stowed away the book that had gotten him into plenty enough trouble already, and knocked.

He'd waited maybe 3 seconds before the door swung inwards, a dirty-blond haired woman with eyes just a shade darker than Sakura's standing in the doorway.

"Can I help you?"

"Ah, yes. You see, I'm Sakura's new jounin instructor, Kakashi Hatake." He'd barely made any small talk and already there was sweat sprouting on his brow. The woman herself hastily bowed, then adopted a look of puzzlement.

"Oh! Yes, but I thought you had given Sakura the day off..?"

"Yes, but I came to..." Well shit, how did he explain this in a professional way? "To notify both you and her of any potential dangers she may encounter as a kunoichi and start smoothing out any counterproductive habits of hers." Maybe it was best to let Dog take over for this one.

"Oh, well she's in her bedroom right now. Let me get her and then I'll start a pot of tea, hm?"

He didn't think the tea was really necessary, but he wasn't going to oppose what seemed to be the matron of the household.

The woman disappeared upstairs for a few minutes, and he took the time to close the door after him and take off his sandals at the neatly organized genkan, then slipped his feet into a pair of large guest slippers. (And how strange was that; he never bothered in his apartment because, until recently, he'd hardly ever used it as more than a storage.)

He looked around at the cozy domestic setting, the family portraits hung at various places, each a different age and/or occasion. He was unsure of the proper setting for this "meeting," so he awkwardly stood between the couch and the entrance to the dining area. He'd waited for an eternity of two minutes before the mother-daughter pair came thundering down the stairs, steps far too loud for his heightened senses.

"Dear Kizashi isn't here right now; I hope you don't mind." Fine by him, but there was no way in hell there was going to be a second attempt at this. It was all or nothing, regardless of the husband's presence.

"Uh, that's fine, Mrs...?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's Mebuki. Somehow it'd slipped my mind to introduce myself." She tittered a forced laugh that put Kakashi more on edge than anything.

"Yes, Mebuki-san. Where would you prefer this to happen?"

"The dining room is fine. Here, sit down now and I'll be right back." Both he and Sakura sat in awkward silence while Mebuki had disappeared into the kitchen, presumably to start that pot of tea she was so adamant about. His leg had started bouncing under the table by the time she'd returned.

Once she was seated, he cleared his throat, unwilling to allow her time to extend his visit.

"I have a few concerns about Sakura. First, her obsession with Sasuke." Sakura looked affronted and opened her mouth to say something, but Kakashi steamrolled on. "Having a crush is acceptable, but that does not mean she should be completely throwing the team's dynamic in favor of gaining the boy's attention. She has what appears to be an unreasonable dislike for her other teammate and was nearly uncooperative during the exam I administered.

"I assume it's also because of Sasuke that she diets, and possibly also the reason she keeps her hair long. These things would be acceptable if not for the lack of practicality in how she does it. Long hair is acceptable_ if it's held up_. It's an unnecessary point of vulnerability due to the sensitivity of the scalp and the possibility of it obstructing vision. And 'dieting' is merely a way of life; however, _starving oneself _is not a healthy lifestyle, it's the gateway to a mental disorder.

"Being a shinobi is not a game, and I feel that your daughter should reevaluate her reasons for joining the corps. if it only extends as far as Sasuke." He finally looked at Sakura and talked directly to her for the first time in this long speech, hoping this would convey the seriousness of the situation to her.

"Sakura, until you start thinking like the kunoichi that you signed up to be, the team is forbidden from partaking in missions higher than D rank." She paled and looked just about on the verge of tears.

Nevermind that she was now officially an adult in the eyes of Konoha's law, she was still mostly a child. A child who had basically been torn apart in the span of six minutes.

The silence was broken by the wailing of the pot on the stovetop, water now boiled. Mebuki hurried into the kitchen to ready the tea she'd been so keen on having, (though probably not anymore.) Kakashi took this as his opportunity to take out a thin packet of stapled paper from inside his vest, just another component on his newly developed training regimen.

"This is a list of recipes for high-protein meals or snack of good brands you can buy from the store if you so desire. On the last page is a potential meal plan you can follow, as well as a chart displaying the exact percentage of food groups you should be eating in a meal given your anticipated level of activity. I expect you to eat 3 to 5 meals a day to the best of your ability." The girl's eyes had welled up with tears by now, and her face was screwed up with the effort not to cry.

Kakashi's eye softened, feeling that he might have been a tad too harsh on her.

"Look, Sakura. I know this is only your second day as a ninja, but that's why we need to target and get rid of these faults before they worsen. The world's not going to end, and you're not going to get fat. You're just going to be expending more calories and chakra than you're used to."

The responding sniffle wasn't too promising, so he leaned back and sighed. He slid the packet over to her, then got up to leave. He smelled the aroma of hot cocoa coming from kitchen, (probably a much-needed pick-me-up for Sakura.)

As stealthily as his occupation insinuated, he let himself out of the house and moved in the direction of the abandoned Uchiha district, only slightly closer than the Red Light district.

He didn't bother taking his book out this time, instead looking up to inspect the rising moon and barely-visible stars.

People bowed and made way before him, despite his slow gait and the rising number of people taking to the streets. Perhaps they sensed his unease, or maybe even that he was a friend-killer. But it didn't matter, because he was just grateful to be left alone to his thoughts, stifling as they were.

It was a very sudden lack of people that made the jounin hyper-aware of his surroundings, his past experiences, training, and instinct making him on-edge despite his rationalizing that _of course _the Uchiha district was abandoned; the Uchiha were dead.

Well, all except for one. Personally, Kakashi wasn't so sure that that was a good thing, but he'd never been one to play God.

He passed by countless houses, all dark with the faded memories of blood staining the streets and silenced children's laughter. He remembered how the Uchiha had their ups and downs, but they had been like almost any other clan of Konoha. He'd known every family of the clan, having been far closer than an outsider had the right to be.

After Obito's death, he'd taken it upon himself to take care of Obito's beloved grandmother, helping her through the grief of losing yet another descendent and yet another child to the war.

He'd grieved when she'd finally died of a sickness that had overtaken her old and weary body, but had found a reason to stay close to the clan with his precious kouhai, Itachi. _A friend, _he would have called him. But that had long passed, just as everything else did.

Ah, he was growing old. He certainly felt older than ever on that long walk down a haunted lane, the silence oppressive and pregnant with grief.

And at the center of these cursed grounds was the main house, Sasuke's choice of residence.

He supposed it was no wonder the kid had so many issues. Growing up in this ghost town literally stained in blood, with no way to access any mental help as he was officially labeled an orphan child, barred from the funds that could have helped him. Probably pitied and held to an immense double standard just like he was as a kid.

He went up to the large shouji and knocked upon the wooden framework, cringing at how the sound punched through the silence.

The jounin had to wait far longer than at the Haruno's, and silently pleaded for Sasuke to still be awake, (or at least near enough to the entrance to hear his knocks.) Just when he had resigned to talk to put off his talk until tomorrow, the door opened slightly to show Sasuke's wary eye and a subtle shine of metal beyond the sliver he was allowed.

The boy's eye narrowed in the dimming light, dark eye an abyss next to the prominent bags stark against his pasty skin.

"What do you want." It was prickly, more of a statement than a question, and wholly expected of him.

Kakashi decided it would probably be best to be direct and to the point, with little to no jibes for this to work in his favor. "We need to talk." There was a moment of stillness in which Kakashi was sure that Sasuke was contemplating the pros and cons of letting him in, then caved.

Kakashi silently followed after the boy, taking a brief moment to close the shouji and take off his sandals at the same time, before continuing through the quiet house on bare feet.

They arrived to what he assumed to be the main living area, where he sat opposite Sasuke at the low table in the center of the room. In this moment, he was glad that Sasuke didn't try to keep up appearances or bother with social etiquette.

"Speak." Ah, he'd get irritated over the kid's ego later. Now wasn't the time.

"Your temperament makes you a danger to yourself and others. Therefore, as your squad leader, I am ordering you to undergo a mental evaluation and take whatever measure they prescribe you, be it therapy, counseling, or drugs. Until you do this, the team will not be doing any missions above D rank and I will go out of my way to avoid teaching you anything above C rank. This is your first, and only, warning. That is all."

He fumed and very clearly wanted to argue, but one look into Kakashi's eye stopped him. He had given him an order as his superior; if he spoke against him, the jounin could file for official insubordination, something he was sure Sasuke knew, having grown up under the Chief of the Military Police.

Sasuke lowered his head and bit out his assent like the words physically hurt him. "Yes, captain."

He nodded his head, taking this as his leave to his brief visit. He needn't be shown the way out.

He made short work getting to Naruto's place next, eagerly hoping to get this over with so he could go home and sleep. His patience was running thin now, so he took to the roof where he could run freely and let off some steam.

By now the sun had fully sunk below the horizon, the sky darkening and air getting colder while the moon projected a false sense of warmth, a pale copy of the sun's radiance. When he got there, he saw that the Red-Light District was in full swing already, the bars bursting with raucous laughter, thieves weaving through the crowd, unaffiliated yuujo attempting to seduce a customer. It was the picture of corruption, but Kakashi felt strangely at home here, where he was only a potential customer and not Kakashi Hatake who pretended to not kill people for a living.

He forced his feet to deviate from the main street to search for Naruto's apartments. He remembered briefly visiting every once in a while during his teens to check up on the boy, and went there first. But then he found that the building he remembered had broken down and had more water damage than the sewers.

Now that he focused, he vaguely remembered an unfamiliar address on the student files he was given. It was a few blocks over and farther in, but he hoped that it was the right address.

But then when he reached his destination, he started wishing that this _wasn't _where Naruto lived. In bright, flowing font far more elegant than the place deserved, was _'The Mistress,' _which looked to be one of the many brothels around here.

Taking a chance, Kakashi dove headfirst into the temptress' den.

There were a few yuujo lounging at the edges of the main room, but his attention was caught by who he assumed to be Mama-san, smoking from a long tobacco pipe and looking bored. He figured that if anyone knew where to find Naruto, it would be her.

"Uh, Mama-san," he called out a little hesitantly. She looked to him but only grunted in acknowledgment. "Might you know where I could find a Naruto Uzumaki?" Her eyes narrowed, but he resolved to stand his ground.

"Who's askin'?"

"His jounin instructor."

"Hm. That child should be done with his client soon. Why don't you wait over with Ama." Personally, they all looked nearly the same, especially with their painted faces and elaborately pinned hairdos. The only way he could tell who was 'Ama' was that the girl in question did her best to scoot over as elegantly as possible as to not ruffle her kimono and its layers.

He wouldn't have imagined that this would be his second night as a jounin sensei, but here he was, waiting in a whore house for his waywardstudent who most certainly was _not_ a customer.

Somehow, his favorite Icha Icha Paradise now seemed to burn through his pocket, and he felt shame for the situation he was in. Despite the years he'd used to build a reputation as a bonafide pervert, he was appalled that he now found himself _here, _and couldn't dreg up the confidence to feel comfortable or in control.

It was frightening.

He sat in uncomfortable silence, scooting away from Ama, who had gotten impatient enough to attempt subtle physical seduction and was now a little too handsy for his taste. He'd waited for a little over 12 and a half minutes while a few men came and went, and then a play woman came from the back, brown hair disheveled and a few bruises marring her skin trying to fasten her obi while walking, allowing a bit of an eyeful while she struggled with the sash and disorderly layers of fabric.

She seemed to be looking for something, then seemed to find it suddenly. Her somewhat pretty brown eyes lit up in recognition when she looked his way, and she seemed to debate within herself before stepping forward.

"Kakashi?" Oh no. He didn't recognize her. Why did she know him? _She wasn't supposed to know him. _He tried to play it cool, if only to calm himself with the familiar routine.

"Who are you?" he asked, tone unwaveringly blasé.

"Ah! That's right," she said like she had suddenly remembered something. "Come with me," she said, taking hold of his sleeve and pulling him into one of the private rooms in the back. She closed the shouji behind them to provide as much privacy as possible, then sat against the wall, where he assumed her activities with her previous client hadn't reached.

Before he could ask _what the fuck he was doing back here, _the girl before him shrunk in size in her clothes, hair shortening and turning blond while her features shifted and he was face to face with Naruto.

He had certainly not expected that.

"I-I thought that you might have been a helper, but why are you a prostitute, Naruto?" That made him uncomfortable in so many ways, especially thinking that the son of the _Yondaime Hokage _and the Uzumaki Princess was working as a lowly prostitute.

"Uh, well, because I guess there wasn't anywhere I could go but Mama-san offered to help me and then the sisters needed help too, so... here I am?" He was cringing at the end of his own miniature speech and Kakashi couldn't decide if it was safer to look to him or the room.

"So you're not under contract? You-you had a choice in the matter?" He wasn't sure if that made things better or worse.

Naruto, sensing Kakashi's hostility and rising tension, went on the offense.

"Look, it doesn't matter what I choose to do in my free time. As far as you're concerned, I'm just another genin looking to climb up the ranks with a side job for a little extra cash, alright!"

"But that's not alright! You shouldn't be doing this!" Maybe he was being overly familiar, but the situation really rubbed him the wrong way. He knew Naruto wouldn't lead the best life, being both an orphan and the Kyuubi's jnchuuriki, but this went beyond that!

"I'm doing as anyone else does! And it's not like I totally hate it, so just leave it, 'tebayo!" The jounin felt like a bucket of ice water had just crashed over his head. What did he mean by that?! "Look, I got a quota to meet. So spit out what you have to say and be gone if you're not payin'."

Kakashi growled at that, already riled up from the stress of the day and now _this_ fiasco. "Don't tempt me, Naruto." Blue eyes widened in alarm when the man's arms caged him in, body pressing him against the wall. "I have plenty enough money to satisfy your quota; I'm sure you won't _mind_ me taking you up on that offer."

"You-you wouldn't do that. I thought you were above prostitutes."

"You don't know me. I've done plenty worse than have a night of pleasure with a perfectly willing participant." Naruto seemed genuinely scared before Kakashi backed off, straightening and turning away from the lightly trembling boy.

"So long as this doesn't interfere with the team or your training, then I won't object," he said bitterly. "Just try to make the effort of teamwork and we won't have a problem."

And with that, he marched out of the brothel after handing Mama-san a tip for allowing him time with Naruto.

* * *

The team was quiet overall during check-out, where an obscene amount of groceries lined the conveyor belt and the bagging assistant glowered at them while scanning items. It had been two days since Kakashi had given them their respective ultimatums, and he'd put them through the wringer the day before. Now, out of the goodness of his heart, he had allowed them to pick up a minor D-rank mission, if only to see just how much work he had cut out for him.

Sakura, for her part, had at least attempted to start her reformation, starting by putting her long hair up in a somewhat messy bun, held together with a red ribbon and what might have been a poisoned senbon.

Sasuke, well, he might have gone in and gotten pills for insomnia. That, or he was finally able to buy concealer. Who knew.

Naruto just kind of kept to himself, being more reserved than usual, (which was alarming compared to the usual chatter he kept going for most of the interactions everyone on the team had had with him.) Kakashi couldn't really tell if it was because of their argument or the nasty glare the salesperson was giving him.

The jounin decided to stop thinking about it and let slip a tiny bit of killing intent towards the unprofessional associate. He tried not to wince when the total was rung up and was extremely thankful that the client had provided enough money to pay for it all.

They all hurried out of the store once everything was safely bagged and walked off in the direction of the client's house, a small army of Narutos trailing behind, each armed with one or two bags.

He paid no mind to the various passerby bowing when they approached, though he was sure the kids were gawking a bit behind him. He'd been a shinobi so long that it was strange to think about a time when he was unused to the basic respect mandated by his status.

They made quick work of the minor journey, though Sakura, in particular, was red and huffing while you could see the barest hints of strain in Sasuke.

When they came upon the house he was sure was the client's drop-off point, he went ahead and knocked on the more modern front door, being the only one to have free hands. He was soon greeted by a harried-looking woman with a multitude of stray hairs escaping from her loose ponytail, dark hair already greying at the roots.

He could both see and hear children of varying ages running around throughout the house and noticed that the woman said nothing as she led them in. This must not have been her first genin team.

"Alright, team; this way!" They followed the tired woman to the dining area and set down their bags upon it at her prompting.

"Thank you for requesting our services, madam."

"My husband was supposed to grocery shop this week, but I suppose this is good enough. As long as I don't have to do it..." Ah, that made things awkward. Kakashi figured it was probably best to head out now that their job was done. They'd already completed the mission and the only thing left to do now was to go back to the missions desk and collect their pay.

"Well, then at least there's that. Have a good day, miss."

He turned to usher his team out of the house now, but couldn't help but startle a bit at Naruto, who had gone pale and his eyes stayed fixed to the large side table across the room, a few pictures standing tall among the children's trinkets.

The wife's attention was grabbed by the sound of a thud somewhere else followed closely by a drawn-out yell/cry of pain that only a child could produce. She cursed and hurried off in the direction of the disturbance, leaving him and his team alone.

"I think it's time to leave now," he said, giving them his trade eye-smile to distract them from the raucous. They didn't seem to mind his decision as a team leader.

Kakashi stealthily maneuvered to be behind a particular blond and tried to speak in a voice loud enough that he could hear but not enough for the other two to notice. Surprisingly difficult when you're usually surrounded by individuals constantly channeling chakra to their ears to pick up the slightest of sounds. He felt absurdly obvious in his questioning right now.

"So, what was that about?" He didn't have to elaborate for the other to pick up the subject.

"I saw the husband in the family photo... he's a regular customer of mine. And I've never been his wife before." Kakashi was confused at what _that _meant but figured now probably wasn't the best time.

"Mh. Mah, maybe it's best to let sleeping dogs lie," he said, bringing a hand up to pull through his hair and tug a bit at the end. A nervous tick, one would say. Naruto was quiet but didn't look like he agreed. That was fine. No one was exactly a happy camper today.

But if he saw a stray bunshin of the blond furiously writing a long letter and proceed to stuff it through the mailslot behind them, he didn't say anything.

* * *

"OW! GODDAMN THIS _FUCKING CAT!" _

It was time for their second mission now, in which they were to successfully capture Tora the cat and safely return it to one Madam Shijimi.

"What's your position, Naruto?"

"I'M BOUTTA _KILL _THIS THING!"

"Remember, we need it _alive _to complete the mission, and for the future missions it will cause." Because there were _always_ more missions when it comes to this blasted feline.

"...are we sure that's really necessary?" Oh, it seems even Sakura was at her wit's end here too. That didn't take long.

"Alright, Sasuke, you're the closest to him. Provide back-up, would you?" There was a series of unintelligible grumbles on the line before the jounin could hear Naruto's curses twice fold.

"I'm in position."

"Good. Does he have the target secured?"

"I wouldn't say that." _Don't get frustrated, Kakashi. _

_"Well, _then maybe _help him. _Sakura, you and I will move closer by 5 meters in the case the target escapes again." He moved to strategically cover multiple escape routes because he couldn't trust that Sakura or the boys had near enough field experience or strategic mind to think that far ahead. Sad, but true.

He heard a loud yowl followed by a rip of fabric, signaling Tora's inevitable escape from Naruto's grasp. The blond was letting loose a slew of curses that were so creative even Kakashi had to hand it to him and he could hear Sasuke and Sakura attempting to communicate both the cat's and their positions to recapture the damn thing. It was laughable how badly this mission was going, but at least they weren't doing a higher-level mission. (Kakashi shivered at that thought; that would've been _bad._)

"Sakura, try to corral the target to a dead-end. Sasuke, use those wires I know you're so fond of." There was a brief assent before they went back to their parts and Kakashi went to check Naruto's status.

The genin seemed to be covered in scratches, but otherwise fine. Well, there was the exception of his clothes, which had been gouged in some places, the tears in the orange fabric revealing hints of damaged lace and frayed strips of cloth.

Well fuck him sideways, why couldn't Naruto ever _not _throw him a curveball?

He turned off the comm so their conversation wouldn't be broadcasted to the others. "Look, I'm not even gonna ask why you may or may not be wearing lingerie beneath your jumpsuit. But do you have any ideas to _safely _capture Tora?"

"... I do, but I'm not gonna tell you." That irked Kakashi. The hell was this kids problem?!

"Oh? And why not?" His brow ticked in irritation and he loomed threateningly over the blond.

"Because I wore my _best fucking set today, _and now it's _ruined, _dattebayo!" Ugh. He honestly couldn't believe that he was having this conversation with his _student. _

"Fine. How about if you capture Tora by the end of the next 5 minutes, I'll reimburse you. Deal?" He didn't have to do this, it wasn't even close to being his problem. Naruto was the one who chose to wear delicates on a mission.

...but he couldn't help but feel a bit guilty, regardless of the logic behind it.

Thankfully, Naruto took the bait and gained a new vigor Kakashi hadn't seen since the bell test. _"I'll hold ya to that." _He sprinted off in the direction of the others while Kakashi resolved to stay behind. He'd be damned before he helped the brat even more after making that promise. Ah, he'd need a solid drink after this. Who knew kids were the precursors to alcoholism.

Like the petty bitch he was, Kakashi counted the seconds, relishing in every minute that ticked by. He was _so close _to the fifth minute when the yells finally stopped and Naruto's smug voice came over the line.

"Got it!" He switched his comm back on and cleared his throat.

"Good. Meet me at the tower."

* * *

The mission was labeled a success and they all got to witness the horror that was Madam Shinji and the prompt, totally expected but no less devastating escape of Tora. They'd made themselves scarce after collecting the mediocre pay and splitting it 4-way.

Sakura was trying to be what she probably considered subtle in asking after a date with Sasuke, which led to Sasuke skulking off to who knows where, (hopefully his therapy appointment,) and Sakura looking unreasonably heartbroken.

He wished he could simply excuse himself as usual to head home and wind-down from the stress-ridden day. But he couldn't, because he had made a promise to a bratty genin and the remaining dregs of his morality demanded he stay put until his end of the bargain was fulfilled. Great.

Contrary to what he expected of Naruto, the boy didn't bother trying to cheer up Sakura. Didn't do much to interact with her at all, actually.

That was actually a pleasant surprise.

The jounin moved ahead for the blond to catch up. No way was he going to wait any longer to get this over with. And low and behold, he was soon joined by the tiny bastard himself.

"Any chance you'd let an old man take a nap instead of going lingerie shopping?"

The teen snorted. "Not on your life."

"Mah, but I'm not even at fault. And why can't I just give you the money and be on my merry way?"

"Because you _promised _to pay me back, and because I want you to suffer," he said with a snicker.

"I think we have conflicting interests. See, I want to _go home, _now." Did he sound like a child? Most definitely. But he couldn't find it in himself to be ashamed.

"But I _don't care. _Come on, sensei! It'll be our own little adventure!"

"Whatever. Do you intend to buy an identical pair, or you gonna try something new?" Already, he felt himself being desensitized and talking on more equal terms than was right. He almost didn't give a fuck anymore.

"I... haven't thought that far ahead."

"Well, we have all night to figure it out. Just so you know though, this deal expires after tonight, got it?"

"Ah, yeah, that's fine." Kakashi was both relieved and suspicious of Naruto's sudden turn of obedience.

The pair walked in silence from then on, the younger of the two directing their path through the shopping district.

Kakashi let himself be swept away by his wayward thoughts, frivolous as they were. He floated through an odd sense of dissociation; being hyperaware of his surroundings as always and thinking of nearly nothing, sounds dimmed and lights bright. For that moment, he couldn't tell if it was really reality or a temporarily pleasant dream, (though those were few and far between.)

The tug to his sleeve was like resurfacing from tepid water; startling and immensely clear.

He realized it was just Naruto trying to gain his attention. He hoped he could brush it off and avoid any questions.

"Oh, would you look at that; we're here!" There was a moment when he almost thought he saw concern flash through the boy's eyes, but it was there in the first place, it was soon drowned out by a curious combination of excitement and exasperation.

Before them was a high-end lingerie boutique that he knew was large enough to have a small collection of items for men as well, though that was also something that forced it to the edge of the Red-Light District. He wasn't usually one for lingerie, (or, anything overly sexual, really,) but he could appreciate the wide selection and unique designs made for temptation.

It was fine, though. He'd already built a reputation fitting for this; what's the point in having shame now?

So, in a sudden switch of positions, he ended up dragging Naruto into the store with no warning. Said blond had a bright blush overtaking his face and was spluttering all the way.

"H-hey! I wasn't ready!"

"I'm not waiting for you. Now, do you want the same set, or something new?" he repeated. "Keep in mind if this drags on long enough, I'm picking for you." And oh no, that just opened up a new can of worms.

"As I said, sensei; _I'm always up for something new." _That sounded suspiciously like an innuendo, but he wasn't going to overanalyze it.

"Right, so you want _me _to pick for you." Strangely, his statement wasn't met with the loud objections he'd expected.

"Well, you see, that's a little complicated..." the boy trailed off, eyes drifting to the side. Kakashi let out a small huff of irritation. Things just couldn't go smoothly when it came to Naruto Uzumaki, could it?

"Explain so it's _un_complicated."

"... I don't know what size to get."

"Are you kidding me. You had on a set before, you have more at home if that was your _favorite, _so how is it that difficult?"

"N-no, you see, I haven't ever really bought them for... _me._" The jounin sensed that this was going to be a proverbial bomb being dropped, so he steered them to the edge of the store, hidden behind the racks and front displays.

"Spill."

"Uh, so if you didn't know, I kind of became an oiran of _'The Mistress' _because I don't really have sex as _Naruto. _I mean, who would wanna do that with me anyway, right...?" he trailed off a moment, but quickly snapped out of his thoughts. "Instead, I offer a 'special service' of mine. A few years ago, I experimented with the _henge_ to invent my patent _oiroke no jutsu, _which is solid and with my chakra reserves, I can hold for as long as I want! So, so, my customers usually come prepared with a photo of who they want me to imitate; so that's why, dattebayo!"

This was a mess. At least Naruto wasn't recognized by any of his customers as a play woman, but this whole thing pushed plenty of boundary-lines when it came to ethics. (He had to admit, though, that it was quite a clever set-up, and had plenty of uses for future missions.)

"..._okay,_" he said slowly. "Then why don't we just stop thinking about that, get your measurements, and buy some lingerie for you."

The blush on the boy's face intensified, but he hesitantly nodded his assent. And so began their journey.

He dragged the younger to the fitting rooms, where the (thankfully) young attendant greeted them and did her job. She seemed a little surprised, (maybe even disturbed,) but that didn't matter to him.

Once that was taken care of, he set off to find some lingerie that was both to his taste and would be flattering on a male physique, (regardless of his still-developing state.) He didn't even bother looking at the male sets, it all being ugly to him. So that left him with the broader female section, all unvaryingly feminine and made with boobs in mind.

He didn't think Naruto would overly mind, but he knew it would irritate him if it didn't look flattering, regardless of who was in it.

So he looked away from bralettes and their associated garments to seek out the babydolls and one-pieces. He wouldn't say that he overly minded the presence of random straps, but he didn't go for the pieces made of _just _straps. He'd say that he preferred sheer material to cheap abstract lace, which made the babydolls more his style.

Honestly, it was hard _not _to be embarrassed, but damn it, he tried.

He threw himself into the nice-looking babydolls with bralettes or lined bras, (though what was the difference between 'lined' and 'lightly padded'?) There was also the occasional one-piece made only of fabric, another prime candidate in his eyes.

He tried to pick ones in the warm color spectrum to coordinate with Naruto's tan complexion and to appease the boy's love of orange. He'd come out with a decent enough haul if he said so himself.

"Here, try these on." He tossed them over the door to Naruto's dressing room and sought to get settled in on one of the waiting chairs. His ears were sensitive to the clanking of hangers and shift of cloth. He couldn't help but feel a tad indecent, as it was. There were a few huffs from inside, but he couldn't say for sure if it was stifled laughter or frustration.

The door unlocked and he stood, expecting to be off to the register now. Instead, he was met with a furiously blushing Naruto clad in a burnt orange babydoll, a pair of navy blue underwear underneath, (probably from his ruined set.)

There were thin straps leading to the main lightly-laced body, the deep v-neck leading to a petite bow in the center, the edge dropping into a cascade of sheer fabric that just reached to tops of his thighs.

"So how is it?" How is it? That single thing had just stopped his heart and made it redouble its efforts.

Maybe it was because he'd deliberately chosen something he liked, or maybe it was because he hadn't had a sexual encounter in months, but Naruto no longer looked like the child he had been thinking of him. He rather looked like a beauty ripe for the picking, (and didn't that make him feel like a pervert, lusting after his student like this.) His lids felt heavy and his mouth dry when the blond looked up at him with an innocent modesty contradicting his choice of lifestyle.

He nearly forgot he'd been asked a question at all with how _fantastic _the dress was.

"It-it's fine." _More than fine._ "So, is that the one you want?"

"Mh! It's _pretty. _And comfortable, and orange-" He interrupted his oncoming rant with a chuckle. Of course the color was the clincher.

"Alright, you get dressed again and I'll take it to the counter." There were a few seconds of grunts as he struggled out of the garment, but it was soon thrown back over the door and Kakashi could go on his merry way. A particular display in the far corner caught his eye, though.

A line of dressing gowns were displayed on a few mannequins, no doubt one of the more lavish and expensive of the store's items. The one that caught his eye was nearly entirely made of sheer fabric, the sleeves and train edged entirely with feathers.

He wanted it.

His wallet might cry real tears because of this purchase, but he thought it would be one of the only justifiable recreational/impulse buys he would ever make. He didn't _have_ to buy it, but he figured maybe he would treat the troublesome blond currently in his care. (He doubted he had many personal effects or anything overly luxurious to his name, so what was the harm?)

He had to page another attendant to get one his preferred color, (he chose a nice olive green he thought would go well with the lingerie,) and was ushered to the register, where he bought the dressing gown, the babydoll, and a matching pair of underwear.

There was no way in hell he would be showing the other the receipt of the purchase, but he hoped Naruto would enjoy his purchases, (and wouldn't ever bring Kakashi shopping again in the near future.)

Despite the circumstances, he would say he had a little fun.

**-(A/N)-**

**1.) I loosely modeled the setting and class structure after that of feudal Japan during the warring-states/sengoku period. That's where the mandatory bowing came in, and the huge hostility towards sex workers.**

**2.) I specified their age as being 13 many times because back then you were already considered to be one-years-old when you are born, and everyone was considered a year older on new-years day, no matter when you were _actually _born. Confusing, I know.**

**3.) Naruto is actually of legal consenting age, as with the samurai, (the nearest approximation to the Narutoverse ninjas,) they were officially adults & could marry or do battle after receiving their helmet & armor, which is basically getting your hitai-ate.**

**4.) For the issue of prostitution, I know that I don't know enough about it to do it justice, and so this is fairly lighthearted for the subject matter. I also had the issue of prostitution not being recognized as a legit thing during the Sengoku period because of their complete disregard for women's rights, so I had to use my basis from Oiran and Yuujo from the Edo period, (which came directly after Sengoku.)**

**4.5.) Because of point 4, the prostitution detailed was _legal, _because it took place in the akasen, something I'm basically equating to a yuukaku.**

**5.) I had originally intended to make Naruto a Tayuu when I thought of the whole prostitution idea but decided against it because Naruto is extremely new and doesn't belong to a particularly prestigious brothel, so it wouldn't make sense. However, because of his special talents, he is an oiran instead of a yuujo.**

**6.) If you're super curious about the babydoll's design, here's the exact title on Amazon: 'Avidlove Women Lingerie Lace Babydoll V Neck Sleepwear Strap Chemise,' or one of the first results for 'babydoll' on Google images. Also, the dressing gown is from the Deluxe "Cassandra" dressing gown line sold for $499.99 USD at 'Boudoir by D'Lish.' (I want one so bad!)**

**Hey-ho! I've uh, I've had this idea for quite a while now, and I wanted to finally _write it out _because I needed something new and fresh, I wanted to support more pairings than my long fics afford me, and I also wanted to try out writing one-shots, (but I don't wanna write more one-shots if they all end up being this long...) It's something I've never done before, but I thought it was kind of fun! (Hope it wasn't too bad...)**

**Well, have a nice day now, and maybe comment and keep an eye out for new works/updates?**


	2. A Kakanaru Two-shot pt 2

**PSA: 'How do you Like it?' by Jynjo (ft. Spritely) is Naruto's theme song.**

**For those sensitive to sexual assault, I have placed a trigger-warning before and after the scene in question. Please, feel free to skip it if it makes you super uncomfortable.**

* * *

It was very obvious when the team next gathered that Naruto would not be coming.

When Kakashi joined the other two his usual hour or two late, there was no problematic blond to be seen—just a hormonal teenage girl and a psychologically damaged teenage boy looking everywhere but at his less-than-subtle admirer.

He thought about canceling the mission, but figured it was only a D-rank; they could handle it just fine sans one genin.

But it turned out that they really..._couldn't_.

After the first 20 minutes of whining (_mostly_ courtesy of lovely Sakura), he caved and summoned his pack to assist on their weeding job. But then he had to prevent his kids from slacking off now that there was help and he found that he really wished the lively blond were here, with all his silly or barbed remarks and his numerous shadow clones.

Mostly his shadow clones.

An agonizing 3 hours later, Team 7 had completed their 3rd mission and had gotten their promised payment (of which was split 3-ways). Once everything was said and done, the three of them split up and he headed towards _'The Mistress.'_ (He wouldn't admit it, but he was a tad concerned for the teen who hadn't skipped a _single_ _day_ of training since he'd taken on the team).

He whipped out Icha Icha Paradise as he strolled towards his destination, the urchins of the Red Light District stopping in either confusion or recognition of his jounin vest before they even _thought_ of picking his pockets. There wasn't much revelry going on around him, most noise coming from loud gambling parlors that hardly closed an hour in a day.

He was thankful he wasn't stopped by anyone—a sign that he still wasn't quite familiar around these parts. (He knew this would change soon enough and feared the day he attracted the vultures.)

Taking the same route he had the first time, he came upon the minor establishment that served as Naruto's home and second choice of employment. The building had seen better days, but a fresh coat of paint had livened-up the exterior a bit since he'd last come. He braced himself for the perfume-saturated air and hoped his mask would block the worst of it.

"Hello, Mama-san. Is Naruto here?" The old woman in question briefly looked up before going back to what she was doing before he came in.

"Hm? Yes, he stayed here today to tend to one of his sisters. Not all customers are the most peaceful of sorts, but at least they pay well, ya know," she said disinterestedly, idly smoking from a pipe and flipping through a magazine of some sort. She didn't seem inclined to say any more on the subject.

"...Can I _see_ him?"

"Sure, sure. He should be in Ama's room cleaning her up some more." He nodded to her before venturing towards the backrooms, slipping his book back into his hip pouch without a thought.

He perused the hallway, each door labeled with a large engraved name tag of light wood. _Ikumi, Kinu, Yaya. . . ah; there's Ama._ He wondered if Naruto went under an alias. Chances were he had to for safety reasons (but probably more so to attract any business in the first place). He knocked politely on the wooden frame of the sliding door and waited for permission to enter.

"Come in."

He shucked his sandals from his feet at the doorway and obliged, quietly closing the door behind him.

"Kakashi-sensei? Why are you here?" Surprise colored his voice, and Kakashi saw that the blond was indeed tending to the same play-woman he'd interacted with the last time he came here. Her makeup had been removed, her hair let down and tied modestly to the side to make way for the sponge in Naruto's hand (which smelled of some mixture of herbs). He pretended that this didn't surprise him.

"Can't a sensei be worried for his student?" It sounded mocking coming from his mouth, but it was a genuine question nonetheless.

"Senseis don't normally make home-calls, at least that's what I've heard."

"How could you know? You've only had one." He raised an unimpressed eyebrow, taking care to make sure it would be visible to the other.

"Yes, because you do _so much_ teaching," Naruto said drolly.

"I'm just teaching how I've been taught," was his defensive reply.

"Then a bit of constructive criticism: do less reading and more explaining. I can't tell shit from a scroll expecting me to know big words literally _no one_ uses, 'ttebayo." He supposed he should've expected that.

"I can do that," he grudgingly supplied. "But don't think I'm going to stop with the team-exercises."

"No, yeah; we need it." The quick agreement was surprising but welcome. The brunet that he'd forgotten—ignored—winced when Naruto's sponge ran over a particularly tender bruise, and he noticed at least a dozen more littering her skin.

He didn't know what to do with himself, so he settled off to the side where he hoped he wouldn't unnerve the girl.

He watched quietly, marveling at the delicate efficiency in Naruto's touches, his practiced movements with each added ingredient and grind of the pestle. He'd never delved into medicine further than the bare minimum and hadn't seen such budding expertise since Rin.

The girl's wounds were carefully covered in salves and thin bandages, and once Naruto had done all he could, he helped the girl lower herself into a futon with fresh bedding, adding or taking away small pillows to make her as comfortable as possible.

It was something far kinder than anything he'd ever experienced and he felt like he was intruding on something special. Not for him.

But then Naruto took the small candle that provided light to the room and rose from his knees, softly padding across the tatami mats. Kakashi followed, glad to be out of the stranger's room.

"Alright, Kakashi. What did you really want?" He sighed, kind of having expected such an interrogation.

"I told you: I was worried." _Oops, might've been too blunt. Let's try again._ "After all, what am I supposed to think when my _cute little genin_ doesn't come to class?"

"Cut the crap! Did you go to jii-chan and tell 'im where I live? 'Cause I told you, I'm gonna keep workin' here no matter _what_ you say; believe it!" The teen was getting himself riled up as he went on, probably thinking of a thousand things he wasn't saying.

"Can't you believe I only have good intentions?"

"No." Ouch, that hurt. Zero hesitation, too.

"Well, fine then. Let's go to dinner. You haven't eaten yet, right?" More insufferable concern that he couldn't quite stifle. How irritating.

Naruto paused in whatever he'd been preparing to say (probably something rebellious and brimming with twisted ideas of honor).

"Uh, sure? Wait, do I actually get a say in this?"

"No."

_"What?!_ Not even which restaurant we go to?"

"No; because you'd land us right back at Ichiraku's, just as always. I wanted to try out a shop that's just opened up, so what better time than now?" He moved them to the side of the hallway, out of the way of a passing yuujo and her customer.

"Fine," he grumbled. "Just so you know, _nothing_ can beat Teuchi-ji-san's ramen, 'ttebayo!" He slammed his respective door shut for emphasis, probably to change into street clothes.

Kakashi felt awkward while impatiently waiting for Naruto to reemerge, hoping he didn't look lost enough to kick out. There was a shuffle behind him before the shoji opened again, the small blond dressed in dark pants and an orange shirt (thankfully, it was darker than his usual jumpsuit).

Bright blue eyes met grey and the little genin pushed past him. "Alright, let's go."

They exited out the back door to avoid rumors from spreading more than they had. The pair skirted through the dirty back-alleys until they emerged near the edge of the Red Light District. Kakashi felt like they were constantly alternating between having too little or too much space between them and when he turned to address this issue, he'd barely gotten a word out when he realized that it was not Naruto he was walking beside anymore.

This person had dark brown hair and fair skin, not a whisker in sight.

He almost started panicking before he caught eyes with the stranger and took a moment to read their chakra signature. The blond brat had cast a henge while he'd been distracted! Grudging respect warred with a vague sense of irritation.

His competitive streak flared to life and he prepared a henge of his own. As they turned another corner to officially exit the Red Light District, the brunet could be seen accompanying a petite woman with softly curled blond hair. Kakashi adjusted his posture to better suit his stature, swaying his hips to accentuate the curves he'd given himself.

The brat snickered from beside him. "Ya know, I'd think you have more experience crossdressing than me." 'She' snorted.

"You bet your ass I do. I've been a ninja since I was 5; of course I have some espionage and seduction experience under my belt."

_"Wow."_ Kakashi couldn't tell if the other was being sarcastic or genuine (probably the former given his sing-songy tone).

"Oh, hush. Now, do you think this dress is a bit too tight? Certainly feels that way." He might've envisioned and 'made' it, but he'd never actually worn a minidress before.

"That's just how most feminine clothes are nowadays. Objectification in sexuality and all that," was the blasé reply. It made sense, in a twisted way, but the temporary blond had to say that he definitely wouldn't regret the usual pair of loose shinobi pants.

The conversation died and Kakashi was trying to think of something to say. _'How does one start a conversation?'_ Now was not the time to be supremely socially awkward! He was about ready to scream internally.

"...Are you sure you know where you're going? 'Cause it seems like we've just kinda been wandering around for a while..." He supposed confrontation beat silence.

"We're almost there, Naruto; just be patient. Unless you think you can keep up on the rooftops?" he said with false saccharine, eyes batting for emphasis.

Henged Naruto actively seemed to size up Kakashi, seeming ready to rise to the challenge. "I might," he said with a cocky shrug. "I've evaded jounin for _years_. Question is: do _you_ think you're up to it, old man?" The familiar foxy grin made his stomach twist in odd ways and he couldn't tell if the warmth in his cheeks was from indignation or something else.

"I'll have you know that 27 is _not_ 'old,' _brat_. And I'd still kick your ass even if I were _70."_ Not that he thought he'd live to half that long.

"Hah! I'd like to see you try!" Well, if the brat wanted to test him, he was more than willing to show off his prowess. (It would occur to him later that perhaps he'd gotten cocky with his borderline S-rank status, but he would feel no remorse for his actions.)

Using pure speed, he left Naruto in the dust to run exactly 15 meters ahead of the other, almost making it appear to have been a shunshin. And Naruto? Naruto was left sputtering and waving away the dust. None of the few civilians around them were overly surprised, having long been desensitized by witnessing the daily hurricane that was Might Gai's training regimen.

"I'm _sure_ you'll have better luck next time," an entirely smug female Kakashi said, leaning sultrily against the entrance of their destination.

"Oh, stuff it. You just got the jump on me that time—believe it."

"Yeah, yeah. You know, there's a reason you're my_ student."_

"Kinky." Now it was Kakashi's turn to splutter as Naruto bypassed him to enter the quaint restaurant he'd recently discovered.

-(TIME SKIP)-

With how much stress he'd been piling up thanks to his cute little genins, you'd think that an introvert like Kakashi would be settling in at home, detoxing and just spending one of his precious few days off relaxing. But no. Somehow he'd let his self-proclaimed best friend drag him to a nightclub.

In all honesty, it was probably smaller than a great many civilian clubs, but that didn't make him feel any less out of his depth.

As was becoming an increasingly common occurrence, the jounin instructor was holed up in the Red Light District. Unlike those other times, he was being held hostage by his fellow jounin instructors and his begrudging friend that he never really could say 'no' to.

A sea of paper lanterns gave light to the revelry surrounding him, the kaleidoscope of colors making everything seem unreal. A group of geisha were positioned atop a slightly raised part of the floorspace at the back, the lively tune they played adding to the atmosphere.

Some people (like him) were at tables set aside to chat or just drink the night away (if one could afford to do so, that is). Others were crowded together to dance, picking through the throng for a night's partner.

Somewhere in that crowd were the others. Gai was off doing who knows what (hopefully having a dance battle or something because he refused to imagine that man having a sex life) and he was almost _positive_ Asuma and Kurenai were dancing together with the courage provided by having alcohol as an excuse if shit went sideways later.

A few brave souls had approached him, both men and women. All he waved away. Despite his choice of literature, his libido was mostly inactive most days. _Now_ was 'most days.'

So here he was, dissociating just a little bit and enjoying his cup of warm sake. Sake he almost choked on when he saw a curvaceous woman with long blond hair, tanned skin, and a front-tied obi attached to the side of a plain man you wouldn't think would pay for sex. A glance at her face said that _no, he wasn't imagining it—that really **was**_a poorly disguised Naruto at work.

He'd never seen Naruto 'at work' outside of _The Mistress._ Didn't he say that he henged as others as a special service?!

He must have stared for too long because blue eyes soon shifted to meet his gaze. There was a slight widening in surprise, then a confident stare that dared him to say something. Nothing like the awkwardness he felt or would expect in the other.

Though really, this was _Naruto_ we're talking about. Nothing about the teen was predictable (or sane at this point).

The music hit a high point and Naruto was forced to break their staring contest when his client bent down to whisper something in 'her' ear. _That_ was when the expected look of awkwardness appeared on his face—before shifting to a sultry (though alarmingly mischievous) look.

Gracefully, he seemed to drag himself up and walked out a few paces before twirling around. Lifting the hem of his dress almost daintily, he made a show of prowling towards his intended before parting the skirt slightly to slowly straddle the man.

Kakashi was caught between feeling like he was having an aneurysm and having a nosebleed. He only knew that looking away _was not an option._

Other patrons didn't seem to have this same problem. Sure, Naruto had been noticed, but most onlookers had blushed and quickly looked away or disinterestedly gone back to their drinks. Not Kakashi.

_Kakashi_ was entranced by the way Naruto bounced and swayed his hips, feminine as they were at the moment. How they never stopped moving and never _quite_ seemed to fully alight on the man's growing hardness.

He gulped when Naruto smoothly reversed himself, going back down into that same straddle but now with almost _everything_ visible to him.

Again, Naruto caught him staring—and again, he purposely held his gaze. He was sure that his own hardness was painfully apparent by now but he couldn't find it in himself to care. How could he feel a speck of shame when he was merely appreciating a work of art?

He groaned when Naruto finally stopped teasing and _ground_ down on the other. He swore that he could feel the phantom warmth of Naruto upon him and longed to be that client. But he wouldn't pay Naruto for his services, no—he wanted it on his own terms with the other _wanting it._

The Geishas' song winded down and Naruto finally rose from his perch, presumably excusing himself to the bathroom. A glance worth a thousand words and a hand sign worth one told him to follow after the disappearing blond.

And follow he did.

As it turned out, Naruto did not intend to go to the bathroom. Rather, he led Kakashi through the back door that was probably for employees only. The night air that greeted him outside was warm with the Summer season, though not any warmer than the body-packed joint he'd left behind. With the door closed behind them, the blond turned to confront the other.

"Fancy meetin' ya here, _Sensei."_ If the honorific was supposed to remind him of his responsibility as a jounin instructor, it did little to dampen his arousal. Maybe Naruto had been right about him having a teacher kink after all.

"Mah, I wish I could say the same to you." Ouch; he hadn't meant for it to come out that way.

_"Really._ Then does that mean you _don't_ want me to suck your dick?" Kakashi's brain short-circuited. He was sure he'd be ripped a new one or something for 'criticizing his student's life choices' like before. Not _proposition_ him!

"Uh, what?" All he could do was stare dumbly. Naruto took this as a chance to stalk towards him, walk predatory and reminiscent of the prelude of that man's lap dance.

"Or would you be against getting blown by a _whore like me?"_ he said with a little pout that Kakashi _knew_ was fake. His back hit the wall of the establishment they'd just left and he felt trapped but he knew if he moved a single muscle, all of whatever _this_ was would end. The blond leaned in further to whisper in his ear: _"Tell me when to stop."_

_Oh,_ so this was _happening_. His cock jumped to the occasion in his pants and Naruto took his time dragging himself down Kakashi's unguarded front. The man didn't know what to focus on: those devilish eyes or the swell of Naruto's breasts pressed up against him.

He was already so turned on by the show Naruto gave him; he hoped to every god that Naruto wouldn't drag it out any longer. His prayers were answered when Naruto impatiently released his member to regain his attention, the flushed organ seeming impossibly large against the blond's face.

Kakashi chuckled a bit at the surprise and near-apprehension written on his face, so satisfying compared to usual overconfident and bratty expressions displayed. He was suddenly ridiculously proud of his size for no reason at all.

Naruto glared at him then, a frightening amount of determination settling in those eyes that were so uniquely hypnotizing.

As if in retaliation, he suddenly engulfed the head, tongue at the tip and sucking so _nicely_. He wasn't sure what sound he'd released, but it was funny enough to make Naruto laugh, sending vibration straight up his _spine,_ it seemed like.

He didn't take his time (no surprise there) and instead went on to take _as much_ of Kakashi into his mouth as he possibly could. Kakashi—poor, _poor_ Kakashi—only had a second to regain his bearings before Naruto was moving up and down the length, slurping nastily to make the slide easier.

With every glide down, the head of Kakashi's dick caught on the ridges of his palate, then his hand would extend further to stroke every inch that he couldn't fit in his mouth. And then—every time he reached his limit—he'd swallow and twist his hand at the base a bit and _Kakashi would lose his mind just a little bit more._ It was torturously slow and he longed to fuck deeper, _faster,_ but his self-restraint and the weight of Naruto's trust held his hips in place at Naruto's mercy.

His orgasm was fast approaching now. "Naru-_to,"_ he groaned. "I'm—'m comin'! Coming—" The blond paid no heed to his pitiful attempt at a warning, focused solely on making the jounin instructor come.

In one fell swoop, the teen _lunged and took all of Kakashi down his throat, oh **fuck**—_

There was just a _fraction_ of a second where he crested at the precipice, cock wonderfully warm and constricted, _stuffed down his student's throat._ And then he was coming, white crashing behind his eyes and enjoying the best damn orgasm of his life.

He was a little out of it still when he came to, with just enough sense of mind to be amazed that he managed to stay standing.

Moaning came to his attention and he brought his gaze back down, arousal flaring at the picture presented to him: a female Naruto with wonderfully flushed skin, one hand plucking at an aching nipple within his disheveled kimono and the other frantically rubbing at his clit under a pair of black panties of lace.

He bent down to wipe a bit of cum from the teen's lips, mindlessly pulled down his mask, then sealed them with a kiss. Was he supposed to ask for Naruto's consent for this? _'Too late,'_ he thought.

Taking a page from Naruto's figurative book, he used synchronicity to his advantage: at the same time he let his tongue mingle with the blond's, he reached around Naruto's downward hand and stuck two fingers in his juicing pussy, curling them in a way that was _just right._ Like any gentleman, really.

Naruto squealed when he came, the sound getting trapped within Kakashi's mouth, and he held his student's shuddering body as he rode through his own orgasm.

Separating his lips from those of his favorite blond, he righted his mask, wiped his messy fingers on his pants, and arranged Naruto's kimono to at least be decent while he waited for the other to come out of his post-orgasmic daze. (He would've done that _a lot sooner_ if he'd known it would shut the blond up so effectively.)

After a few calm minutes of silence and of them just breathing, Kakashi cleared his throat. "I'm sorry that I came in your mouth." He bit back the childish_ '—but I tried to tell you'_ that wanted to follow, knowing he had to own up to _something_.

"...At least I didn't have to go in and wash your cum from my face, 'ttebayo." And indeed, that would've been embarrassing, even within that particular bar.

"A silver lining to every cloud, I suppose." A bark of laughter met his dubious response and the blond struggled to fully separate himself from the man. He must've found that it was impossible to fully right his clothes because he suddenly undid his obi entirely, giving his teacher a good look at the lovely laced underbust corset he wore to match his underwear, perfectly framing bountiful breasts.

Though it was not meant to be sexy in the way a striptease is, Kakashi still found it incredibly alluring (even though the clothes were going _on_ and not _off.)_

He doubted he was lucky enough to get a round two.

Now with his minimally designed pale yellow kimono and dark red obi put back together and somewhat presentable, Naruto straightened and started combing his hair.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow, Kakashi! Goodnight!" And with nary a glance sent his way, Kakashi was left wanting for more in that little alley that now smelled vaguely of sex.

-(TIME SKIP)-

It had been a few weeks since their last intimate interaction and Kakashi had struggled to maintain his aloof façade (that'd been on the decline for maybe the past 5 years or so).

He was sure that Sakura had noticed something going on between them, being the little fiend for love that she was. Sasuke was probably none the wiser, seeing as he was a revenge-obsessed genin with severe untreated PTSD and many a complex related to his family. (Now that he thought about it, maybe Kakashi should step in and force him into therapy?)

"Sensei, are we done yet?" came a pitiful whine from his right. He flipped to the next page of Icha Icha, taking his sweet time to respond.

"Not yet, Sakura. Let's go for another 15 minutes." His three genin groaned at this, the loudest being from the one he was currently sitting on. That was—one Naruto Uzumaki.

They'd been running the gauntlet today with physical conditioning being the priority, and subsequently doing push ups for the past hour and a half or so. About halfway through, Naruto had said something smart and the rest was _history!_

It was a _bonding experience,_ though. If one member of the team stepped out of line, the whole team had to suffer. Nothing discouraged insubordination like peer loathing.

He'd decided that if they wanted to play ninja, he'd treat them like ninja. So he had administered the softcore version of an ANBU's training schedule. Of course, it was watered down a bit because if it wasn't, they'd be there all day.

"Has it been 15 minutes yet?" It'd only been 12, and he wasn't about to go easy on them yet.

"Eight more minutes! Keep up the pace, chop-chop!"

He was sure that by now, even Sakura was muttering expletives under her breath as she struggled through doing push ups to the beat of a metronome. She was the weakest of his team, so it was understandable that she was struggling so much.

Naruto had surprised him with his endurance—though was it that surprising, seeing as Kushina was his mother? Perhaps it was his genetic predisposition combined with his nightly activities? That certainly would explain it.

"Alright, time!" He swore he heard a grumpy 'finally' from Sasuke's direction and grinned in satisfaction. Yes, he still had it. "Stretch, and don't forget to memorize the recipes of three different poisons and their antidotes! I _will_ be asking you tomorrow. Now, off you go." He made a shooing motion and the grumbling teens stiffly made their way in the direction of their respective homes.

-(TIME SKIP)-

For the first time since he'd regularly started coming here, Kakashi felt in his element in the Red Light District. He'd successfully defended his pockets from three people in the ten minutes he'd been here, had been catcalled twice, and was now slipping through the crowd while reading his neglected Icha Icha.

As had become his new usual, he was on his way to_ 'The Mistress',_ a basket of vegetables held in his free hand to serve as his excuse.

When he entered the front room, he found the situation to be very similar to his first visit: a few play-women of varying age were scattered about the floor, dressed up and ready to receive their first customer of the night. Unlike that first time, however, the aged Mama recognized him and immediately set down her pipe and magazine to greet him.

"Naruto's _jounin_ sensei! What a pleasure to see you again!" Her eagerness was off putting compared to the general disinterest she'd shown when he last came. He put his book away just in case he needed a free hand.

"Mama-san. Is this a bad time...?"

"Ah...no, not at all!" She tittered a laugh that grated on his ear and her pause validated his suspicious nature. His mood started to take a nosedive.

"Ah, really? Then is Naruto with a client right now?" Her eyes shifted a bit, then she looked his straight in the eye.

"Yes, but I think that boy might need some help." Finally, she'd stopped with her games. "He's with a particularly nasty client that none of my other girls wanted to host. Of course, that boy would do anything for his sisters and I couldn't exactly turn someone away without taking a hit to my establishment's reputation—" he stormed off down the hallway, having gotten the context he needed and unwilling to put up with more of her rambling.

*****TRIGGER WARNING*****

His feet automatically led him to Naruto's room and he slid the door open, disregarding proper etiquette that told him to wait for permission. Behind that flimsy screen door was a scene both expected and not—Naruto, presumably henged to look like a certain woman, was being pinned in place by a large hand around his neck while the owner of said hand was brutally thrusting into him.

His hands were limp around the client's wrists and fingernails were broken, like he'd scrabbled against the might of this man who was _still gripping his throat—_

The basket of vegetables was thrown to the side before the jounin lunged at this man, striking him easily at the back of the neck with his fist. The man crumpled on impact, collapsing atop Naruto and inadvertently pulling out with a wet quelch.

The room was quiet now, sans Kakashi's fast breathing and the sound of his blood rushing in his ears.

He callously rolled the client off of his student, relishing in every thump his head made against the floor, then focused his attention on Naruto. It was a wonder that his henge was still in effect even when he was unconscious, but it might be so because of Naruto's chakra reserves and out of necessity. _'Focus.'_

Naruto's face was so red it had started turning purple and Kakashi was afraid he wasn't breathing.

*****TRIGGER WARNING: END*****

He ripped off his hitai-ate and looked back at the teen, making sure that his sharingan caught every minute detail discernable to him. He was comforted by the fact that Naruto was, in fact, breathing—however, it was alarmingly shallow and nearly undetectable.

The solution he had was to help Naruto breathe by opening his airway, at least until he regained consciousness. Being extraordinarily careful, he tugged the futon out from beneath him until the teen's head was hanging off of the end and resting upon tatami. The pillows previously under his head and hips were relocated to be stuffed under his back.

With this done, the only thing Kakashi could do was wait and throw the piece-of-shit client out of the Akasen altogether.

-(BRIEF TIME SKIP)-

The sound of coughing caught his attention and he quickly looked to the source.

Naruto, now reverted to his usual sex and appearance, had partially propped himself up and seemed in dire need of water and a good once-over by a medical professional. Kakashi could only provide the former at the moment.

"Here, drink._ Slowly."_ Naruto gingerly accepted the proffered cup of water, and for once, Naruto took his directive without any backtalk. Kakashi was content to wait until Naruto had gotten his fill, his weary eyes staring blankly at a random page of Icha Icha as he listened to the loud, desperate workings of the blond's throat.

He stubbornly wasn't looking at the other, not wanting to see the numerous bruises imprinted on tan skin—some of which were in the precise shape of fingers.

He knew the location of each and every one of them, and he doubted he'd ever forget them, either.

The room was tense—awkward.

He sighed and fisted his hair in agitation. "I don't know what I'm doing. I shouldn't have come." Because he shouldn't be looking to form a relationship with his student. Relationships where shinobi were involved generally were far too complicated and more high-stakes than one would think, especially when it came to one as high-profile and damaged as he was.

"Don't say that," Naruto whispered. He would have missed it if not for his sharpened senses.

"No, Naruto. I wouldn't be here if we had a normal teacher-student relationship. I _shouldn't_ be here."

"But if you weren't, what do ya think would've happened?" That stopped him up short. He knew exactly what would have happened, and it would have been even more devastating to think that he could have stopped it from happening. "I—I was scared, Kakashi-sensei."

Naruto was right to be scared and Kakashi felt like an ass. He'd been told that he was emotionally distant before, but this was his first time actually seeing that in action. How does one comfort another? He'd never liked being touched as he'd never gotten much as a child, but maybe he could replicate what Minato-sensei had done for Rin and Obito.

Scooting closer to his student, he settled a hand in Naruto's mop of blond hair and ruffled the soft strands, avoiding eye contact.

"...what are you doing, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Um...comforting you? I hope?" Naruto's laugh seemed to light up the small space and Kakashi didn't even care that he was being laughed at.

"What a shitty way of comforting someone," the brat said archly. Kakashi took that as his cue to retract his hand, a blush surely appearing beneath his mask.

"What an ungrateful student you are," he grumbled in mock-offense. It was Naruto's turn to look away now, cheeks pink.

"...thanks, old man."

"Ah, I told you to stop with that! 27 is not that old!"

"Oh? How're ya gonna prove it to me, then? You have to teach me these things, Kakashi_-sensei."_ If he wasn't positive that this was probably Naruto's coping mechanism, the brat would've had it already.

"Well, I could always assign you and the others my training regimen. After all, since you're so young as spritely, I'm _sure_ you can handle what this 'old man' does daily." That shut him up real quick.

Actually looking at Naruto's less-than-stellar state, he wondered how to go about addressing the elephant in the room. Maybe Naruto was thinking the same thing, because it seemed the air had turned awkward.

"Look, Naruto. I know I said I wouldn't interfere, but...you can't keep doing this when you end up like this." His wandering gaze pointed to exactly what he was talking about.

"I—I can't. I owe Mama-san and my nee-chans_ so much—_"

"Then go back to being an errand-boy. A pick-pocket. Hell, I'll let you take on more D-ranks if that's what you need."

"But then—" He stopped himself, an expression of desperation and shame trying to convey the feelings Kakashi wouldn't understand if not said outright.

"But what, Naruto?" The teen shrank in on himself, arms curling to wrap around his legs.

"But this is the only way I feel loved," he mumbled—and Kakashi felt like he'd been punched in the gut.

Naruto had no friendly relationships—not with his peers, hardly with the people that took care of him. He'd had even less than Kakashi growing up, and Kakashi had never once thought of this. They'd failed this orphan, this _child of Minato's_. Kakashi didn't want to let that continue. He'd already made so many mistakes and there was no taking those back, but at least he could start atoning for them.

"I can love you, if that's what you want."

"I can't just _say_ that I want someone to love me and then it'll magically happen! Just look at Sakura, for god's sake!" Kakashi refused to let up his intensity, certain that _finally,_ he was breaking through to the other.

"I think you're willful enough. You've already ensnared me with your feminine wiles," the jounin said, a perverted yet confident grin appearing under thin fabric. "Tell me, Naruto: can I love you?"

"Wha—" The teens sputtering was comical and Kakashi vaguely felt that "butterflies" feeling that was described so often in those perverse books he read so often.

"Will you let me? Or...is it possible that I've found someone immune to my charms?" Naruto snorted at that, grin finally reappearing.

"I don't see what's so charming about a man with grey hair who's not even in his thirties."

"Oh, plenty find me charming. Just ask my fanclub." Naruto cackled at that, and Kakashi's heart beat just a bit faster.

"You have a _fanclub?!_ I bet you were _just like Sasuke_ when you were young!" That prompted a grimace and a promise to himself to _never_ let him meet Anko.

"I wouldn't go that far…" His embarrassment must've shown, as Naruto fell over in a fit of giggles. Abruptly, they stopped and Kakashi had to wonder just what was going through Naruto's head now.

"If you have fangirls," he said slowly, a devious look appearing and making Kakashi feel like cornered prey, "then that means you're _attractive_ under that mask of yours!" The jounin was forced to dodge a wild Naruto, sidestepping quickly then somewhat regretting his actions when Naruto landed in a heap on the floor.

"Awe, that was mean, dattebayo! Don't you love me, Kakashi-sensei?!" the blond pouted.

"Of course I—" Kakashi stopped himself, feeling immensely embarrassed. How was it that he could read graphic erotica in public but blush like a virgin when it came to feelings?

For the first time since he'd met the teen, Naruto was speechless. Kakashi was actually afraid that he'd broken him, seeing as his mouth was opening and closing in an impression imitation of a fish, eyes wide in disbelief.

_"What?_ You asked," he said defensively, a bit miffed at Naruto's underwhelming reaction. (Perhaps he'd become a bit of a hopeless romantic since reading Jiraiya's works, but this wasn't how he imagined a grand confession to go.)

"I didn't—_really?"_ Naruto's expression was so earnest that he melted a bit and didn't bother with keeping up his appearance.

"Really. You're a shit-starter and probably have almost as much baggage as me, but I really fell." Naruto looked somewhat awed, probably not having expected Kakashi to be serious. Abruptly, Naruto rose and lunged at Kakashi again—only this time, Kakashi supported him with open arms. He didn't mind when his mask was pulled down and relished in the kiss Naruto gifted him. He had to lean down to the point his neck hurt and he had to be careful not to let it go too long, but it was perfect.

It was when Naruto started letting his hands roam that Kakashi had to put him down and regain some of his space.

"Naruto, I don't think—"

"You don't want to?" Oh, he was raring to go, but that was neither here nor there.

"I don't think we should be doing this so soon! I mean, you almost _died_ maybe an hour ago shouldn't you heal some more?" He didn't know how these things worked in healthy relationships, but shouldn't Naruto be a bit more concerned about the traumatic experience he'd just gone through?!

"But I want this," he said huskily, somehow making a whine sexy. Kakashi groaned, leaning back down to steal a kiss, then pulling back again when he regained his senses.

"Are you—"

"I'm sure," Naruto said, determination blazing in those dazzling eyes of his. "I want these to be your marks, not his," he said innocently, like he had no idea what those words did to a man like Kakashi. "And besides," he went on sultrily, "a confession isn't complete without a bout of hot, steamy sex; right, Kakashi?" Damn it all to hell, this man would be the death of him.

"I hope you don't regret this," Kakashi murmured against plush lips. Naruto just smiled devilishly.

_"Bring it."_

Who was he to deny him what he desired?

Devouring Naruto's lips like he was a starving man, he picked up the smaller man to take them back to the futon. His hands easily divested Naruto of his kimono, then helped Naruto in pulling his long sleeve over his head. The blond gasped when he saw Kakashi's torso, obscured only by his mesh armor and the fabric of his mask pooled around his neck.

Kakashi had never felt as powerful as he did then.

He dove back down to kiss wetly at the column of Naruto's neck, hands preoccupied with undoing his pants and kicking them off to the side. Naruto grunted cutely and twisted the hair at his nape when he nipped at a sensitive spot, making sure to mark every bit of flesh his teeth could feel.

Naruto's hands had traveled from his neck to roam his chest, briefly tweaking a nipple before exploring the expanse of his abs. His eyes fluttered shut at the sensation and he abruptly realized that Naruto could see all of the parts he'd never shown another.

Instead of making him feel insecure, that fact just fanned his ardor.

"Mmm, _Naruto."_ His voice was breathy but he didn't care to steady it. This was what Naruto had signed up for, after all.

The man in question had begun tugging at the band of his underwear, the impatient vixen that he was. Kakashi pinned those sneaky hands beside the blond's head and stole another kiss, breaching pliable lips and letting his tongue intertwine with that of the other. When he thought to separate, Naruto followed and their tongues came to play in a filthy kiss that was all tongue and Kakashi couldn't help but grind himself into the other when Naruto came up and _sucked on his tongue, dear lord—_

All plans to take things slow flew out the window (not that he'd been following them all too well, anyways).

Tearing off the remainder of his clothes, he flipped Naruto onto his stomach and forced his ass into the air, legs spread and back arched so beautifully.

"Fuck, _Naruto."_

"Fuck me, Kakashi. Please, fuck me so good—" Kakashi groaned and gripped the base of his cock, grabbing a handful of that juicy ass and pressing a thumb against Naruto's fluttering hole.

"Not yet, baby. I want to eat you out first." Those filthy words earned him a groan of (hopefully) appreciation. (If it wasn't, the blond would just have to enjoy the ride and learn the virtue of patience.)

The jounin then took his other hand to grab that lone, plush cheek and spread them apart, entranced by the way Naruto's hungry hole worked to try and suck his thumb in dry.

"Any mom_ent—"_ Naruto was cut off by a squeal when Kakashi abruptly removed his thumb and laved his longue all the way from the bottom of his balls to the top of his crack, then abruptly spearing his tongue past his sphincter. With the taste of Naruto on his tongue, he focused on spearing in and out like he would with his dick. Naruto's moans showed his appreciation and he'd started thrusting his hips in an attempt to get Kakashi to go deeper.

Kakashi switched motions then, licking at Naruto's inner walls and loving how well Naruto opened up for him. With a tired tongue, he retreated to suck at the hole (earning him a high-pitched moan that was new to him), then released the abused pucker, blowing at it in apology and hungrily watched how it spasmed.

"Just wait a bit more; you can do that, can't you, Naruto?"

"Fuck, I want you _so bad,_ Kakashi!" The blond was near hysterical with want, but Kakashi had to open him further so he wouldn't get hurt.

Seeing as he didn't have any oil on hand, he had to do it the old fashioned way, and spat on that pretty pink hole already shiny with leftover saliva. He prodded at it with two fingers, diligently working them in and out until he was thrusting in to the knuckles. And when that happened, he added another finger, occasionally spreading them wide and earning him a guttural groan each time. Sweat was pouring down his face and he wanted _so bad_ to just shove his cock in then and there, make the blond come in one move, but he had to be patient.

He forced himself to add a fourth finger just for good measure on account of their size difference, wishing with every thrust that the squeeze on his fingers was applied to his throbbing member.

It felt like he'd been enduring for an eon when he finally pulled his fingers from Naruto, the boy a blubbering mess just _begging_ to be fucked.

"Kashi, Kashi—please, please, please," he chanted, writhing and fisting at the futon, maybe not even sure what he was asking for anymore and _god_ that was _so fucking **hot.**_

Kakashi pressed an apologetic kiss to his lower back, then sheathed himself in one fell swoop.

They both moaned in synchrony, Naruto's being something more of a keen that he would've thought came from an animal. Having gone through so much foreplay already, there was absolutely no way he could wait. Without pause, he pulled out, almost all the way save for the head—only to thrust back home deep and hard, setting a brutal pace that no civilian could match. The sound of sex was a symphony that he could fully appreciate then, the wet, meaty sounds adding to his arousal.

_"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fu-"_ his hips stuttered and he realized that _he_ was the one chanting a mantra of curses. At this point, his whole world and existence lived in his cock and there was little else he could give his attention to.

He widened his stance a bit to get more purchase, the new angle directing him to Naruto's sweet spot, a bump he was sure to pass over with his every thrust.

He was getting close—so, so painfully close—and he reached around to tug at Naruto's neglected member. That was all it took.

When Naruto came, his muscles tightened to near-painful levels and it was all Kakashi could do to _keep thrusting_—to keep speeding towards his own climax—and when it finally came, it was like he ceased being for one incredibly long moment before everything crashed down upon him.

_'**Fuck**, that was good,'_ he thought tiredely (that was, when he was capable of thought). Of the few times he'd had sex, none of them were as fantastic as what he'd just experienced.

He felt weak and it took him a few minutes to muster the energy to get up and, at the very least, pull his softened manhood from Naruto's near-unbearably hot body. (The man in question seemed to have succumbed to unconsciousness, slumped with his ass still in the air and looking _delectable.)_

Kakashi's length was released with an obscene squelch and slowly trailed cum down to Naruto's balls. His gaze grew intense and he couldn't help but fixate on those remnants of sex. Against his better judgement, the jounin scooped up those remains and stuffed them back into Naruto's sloppy hole, the loose flesh so accepting that he'd be ready for a second round then and there if not for his physical limitations.

Now just a little guilty and horny but more coherent, Kakashi searched the room for some sort of cloth to wipe them down with. Once that was found, he set to work with arranging an unconscious Naruto into a more comfortable position and ridding him of his cum and some sweat. They'd need to hit the hotsprings after this (or just go to his apartment if Naruto miraculously turned shy when he woke up).

Satisfied that he'd done all he could to clean them up, Kakashi collapsed next to Naruto, brushing his lips against a shoulder, and joined him in slumber.

**-(A/N)-**

**1\. Know that irl beyond fiction and the imagination, I do not condone the predation of anyone, especially minors. I can romanticize it all I want in fiction, but anything that goes farther than art or writing is not okay. (If it makes anyone feel better, I don't fantasize about anyone in this way and rightfully felt weird af writing this.) However, in some parts of Japan, (yes, modern-day's Japan,) the legal minimum age of consent is 13. And please, keep in mind that this is (loosely) written in the context of a historical time period, where laws and customs of propriety were very different compared to modern-day.**

**2\. Sexual assault and non-consensual/non-negotiated kink scenes ARE NOT OKAY. Kinks are perfectly normal, and it's fine to be into the harder aspects of BDSM. However, DO NOT think that means abuse or r*pe is kinky or okay for all partners. Scenes and kinks are to be negotiated so practice is as safe, sane, consensual—and enjoyable—as possible.**

**3\. This is the single BEST THING I HAVE PUBLISHED TO DATE. Like goddamn, I was wishing with all my heart while writing this that I wasn't ace/aro and/or Kakashi could be real. I hope my smut scenes were up to par!**


End file.
